Bad Jokes of the Week

Shane usually ends the Shane Plays Geek Talk radio show and podcast with bad jokes (aka dad jokes), one because he’s in deep smit with a bad joke (and yes we mean bad) and two because he wants the world to share in his misery.

Collected here for your mental pain (but admit it, you love them, too) are each week’s* bad joke. Many of these are related to the geek theme of the respective show’s topic, but many are just general use bad dad jokes. Enjoy!(?)

*updated periodically

CRY HAVOC AND LET SLIP THE JOKES OF BAD!

What do you call a weak barefoot druid who’s been cursed with bad breath?
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.

Why did the necromancer’s wife leave him?
She didn’t want to raise kids.

Whovians? Nice people as fan groups go but they really have no concept of time.

What instrument do skeletons play? Trom-BONE!

Why did the Sarlaac spit the wookiee out? He was a bit too Chewie.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, while the other is a little lighter.

ROBIN: the batmobile won’t start
BATMAN: check the battery
ROBIN: what’s a tery

Why can you never trust an atom? Because they make up everything.

Why did Godzilla not eat that hotel? Why? He was trying to cut down on suites! Also: If you watch Godzilla backwards, it’s about a benevolent lizard that helps rebuild a city and then moonwalks into the sea

Beware the weregoat for they are baaaad

If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up would they be alloys?

Beware the weregoat for they are baaaad.

Orion’s belt is a big waist of space. Actually, that’s a terrible joke, only three stars.

Remember, when you are being attacked by a party of clowns… Go for the Juggler.

Why can’t Rogues learn other languages? Because Thieves Cant.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes the police, come out with your hands up.

How come there ain’t any knock-knock jokes about freedom? Because freedom rings.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know but the flag’s a big plus.

I was going to tell a time travel joke, but you guys didn’t like it.

What does Optimus Prime transforming have in common with a redneck divorce?
Somebody’s gonna lose a trailer (I hope you found that semi amusing)

If I could be any super hero, I think I’d be Aluminum Man. My superpower would be foiling crime.

And the Bad Jokes continue…

A human, a dragonborn, and a halfling walk into a bar. The dwarf had darkvision.

What is a cat’s favorite color? Purrrple!

How do you get a one-armed Klingon out of a tree? Wave to him.

How did the Vikings communicate? By using Norse Code.

Where do most superheroes live? Cape Town.

Why is it hard for Necromancers to get elected? Too many skeletons in their closets.

How do you measure the radius of an enchanted forest? Find the centaur!

Why does the USA need so much defense? It only has 1 Constitution.

I started walking around without shoes and it sort of became a hobbit.

A weasel walks into a bar. What’ll ya have? asks the bartender. Pop, goes the Weasel.

What does a new Tesla smell like? Elon’s Musk!

You’re still here??? Wow, you must really be a glutton for punishment — -er, I mean Dad Jokes…

Q: What are Vulcan eyeglasses called?
A: Spocktacles

“Waiter! Waiter! There’s a dead squid in my soup!” “It’s not dead, Sir. It’s just dreaming.”

Necrotelecomnicon: the book of dead phone numbers.

I decided against doing a bad joke this week, after a lot of thought it just felt dicey (Polyhero Dice episode)

Did you hear about the war between dwarves and gnomes? It was the shortest war in history.
What did the dwarf say to the elf in the tavern? I’d buy you a drink, but I’m a miner.

The Star Wars text crawl walks into a bar. “Get outta my pub!” the bartender yells. “We don’t serve your type here.”

What’s green and has four legs and can kill you if it drops on you out of a tree? A pool table

I wanted to start the New Year off on the right foot so I lifted my left leg when the ball dropped.

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia!

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.

Did you hear about the guy who’s job it was to crush Coke cans all day? It was soda pressing.

What do you call it when Cyborg clobbers the bad guys? Tech-knuckle support.

Superman is SO strong… He doesn’t have triceps. He has succeedceps.

Why was Caesar upset with his cell phone plan? He didn’t like the Roman charges.

Why don’t skeletons ever go out for a night on the town? They’ve got nobody to go with.

Why is camping so much fun? Because it’s in tents

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left

Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs

Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt? Becaused he doesn’t want to be spotted.

How much does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer.

Did you hear about the banker that changed careers? He lost interest.

What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies

Bad jokes, bad jokes, come get your bad jokes…

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months

Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippy? Because he was too far out, man

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison, love you

Why did the pony need a glass of water? Because he was a little horse

Which knight designed the round table? Sir Cumference

Why did the king go to the dentist? To get crowned

Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.

Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who just escaped from prison? There’s a small medium at large

Bad jokes, dad jokes, whatever… the important thing is they’re terribly good!